I keep a running list of all the gems Steve says in my phone and I noticed the other day my list was getting a bit out of control, so here are some of my favorites. As always, Steve you rock and life would be incredibly dull without you.
Laying in bed one night
Me: It’s 11:11 babe make a wish
Steve: I hope I fall asleep fast so we can end this conversation
Me: *attempting to tickle Steve*
Steve: You can’t tickle steel
Talking about Evelyn after her yearly check up
Me: I can’t believe she’s only 18lbs!
Steve: Yeah I’ve been trying to feed her more lately
Me: Why? She’s perfect! She’s just petite
Steve: You’re right, she’ll just have a model body like *runs his hands up and down his body*
Me: You couldn’t be a model because you don’t get tan
Steve: I could be a hand model
Out of absolutely nowhere one night
Steve: Should I change my instagram bio to half centaur?
Me: Literally why would you do that?
Steve: I don’t know, I think it’d be funny
Steve: *glaring at my wine glass*
Steve: Hey, uh, what’s going on over there?!
Me: I’m drinking it!
Steve: Yeah right! It’s evaporating at this point
Me: Have you heard about the Listeria outbreak
Steve: Yeah people are going crazy
Steve: *has a sly look on his face like he has something else to say*
Steve: Cuz it’s like hysteria, get it?
Steve trying to post an instagram picture one night
Steve: I can never think of sweet things to say like you can
Me: Sure you could if you tried
Steve: No I’m better at sweet actions
Me: Oh yeah like what?
Steve: You know…like sweet backflips
Me: Scoot over, you’re taking up like 3/4th of the bed
Steve: I can’t help that all these squats I’ve been doing are making my booty bigger
Sitting outside one evening
Evelyn: dada dada dada
Me: Hold on Evelyn, daddy’s cleaning up the dog poop
Steve: Yeah I’m thinking about getting the dogs diapers
Steve: ……or a coffin
Annnnd the most recent (ps Steve is Mr Whiskers in my phone because it’s what the locals called him where we were honeymooning)
I’ll end on the high note of someone thinking we’re funny,